Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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