I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk is not a location!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
