I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
