You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bring money and cleavage
So many bounce houses so little time
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
