Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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