Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
