watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
