Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
