Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He better not be in your backpack
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
