he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
