I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
