Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
