If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
