white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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