dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
