Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
