life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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