This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
