I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
