remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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