Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
