so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
