Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
