tell your sister to shave her snatch
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
