fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
