Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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