is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
