dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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