I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
