there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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