i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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