I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
