Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
