why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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