the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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