I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
