Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
