woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
