I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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