FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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