I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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