I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
