What a fucking waste of an outfit
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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