Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
