I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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