i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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