went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
