did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
