I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
