she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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