so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Shame - the story of my life.
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