Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
