And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize