Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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