Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
