the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize