im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
