I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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