the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
