I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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