I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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