i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
