My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize