There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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