yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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