I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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