I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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