I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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