I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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