so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
