I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I currently don't understand fingers.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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