So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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