Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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