Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
