Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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