Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
