no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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