I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
