How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
