Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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