You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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