You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
