Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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