I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
