I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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