i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
