there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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