thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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